14 Really Unusual Sick Day Excuses

Do you want to call in sick to work, but you don’t know which excuse to give?

While you can always say that you have a migraine or fever, these excuses are commonly overused, and your manager might not believe you, especially if you have used that excuse before.

You could simply say that you have a doctor’s appointment, but your manager might ask to see proof of your appointment confirmation.

If you’re lost, we’ve got you covered. This article will cover 14 unusual sick day excuses that people don’t typically use.

These illnesses are either unusual in that they aren’t commonly used as excuses or they’re the type of sickness that your manager probably won’t want to ask any further questions about.

In fact, for many of them, they’d prefer that you stay as far away as possible!

With that said, let’s get into the full text.

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14 Really Unusual Sick Day Excuses

1. I Have Severe Diarrhea and Projectile Vomiting

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This is one excuse that almost always never attracts further questioning. Who wants to hear about your watery poop?

If you say you have severe, uncontrollable diarrhea, you’ll be excused from work with no further comment. Nobody wants you to poop your pants in the office.

As for the cause of the diarrhea, it could be anything. Perhaps you ate something bad, such as raw sushi or an unhygienic hot dog from a sketchy stand.

Perhaps you suffer from IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and are having a flare-up, or maybe you just have a stomach virus.

This excuse is especially effective if you work in the food and drink industry, because there are often health regulations requiring workers to avoid work 24–48 hours after experiencing diarrhea.

If you can add in projectile vomiting, that’s even better. Nobody wants to see you throw up all over your desk, and nobody wants to clean that mess, either.

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2. I Have a Weird Rash and Must Quarantine

Euproctis_Chrysorrhoea_skin_rash.jpg: Cywarederivative work: B kimmel, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Tell your boss that you broke out in a weird, painful, and itchy rash, and they’ll breathe a sigh of relief when you don’t show up. Nobody knows if that thing is contagious, and they’ll want to stay as far away from you as they can.

If your boss asks you to send a picture of your rash, there’s an easy fix to that problem.

Just tell them it’s in an intimate area, and you are not comfortable sharing a photo. They won’t ask any more questions.

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3. I Accidentally Glued One of My Body Orifices Shut

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This is a strange one, and it’s definitely unusual. Any story that has something to do with superglue can be one that prevents you from working.

Remember that lady who used superglue as hair gel? Tessica Brown, also known as the Gorilla Glue Girl, used Gorilla Glue in her hair when she ran out of hair spray.

She deeply regretted that mistake when she realized that it was impossible to get the glue out. She even went to the emergency room, but to no avail.

After becoming a media sensation, a plastic surgeon offered to perform surgery to remove the glue, and she finally became glue-free.

The point is, superglue is dangerous. If you use too much of it, you could glue your hands, or perhaps your feet, together.

Or, if you were applying it to your mustache for whatever reason, you might glue your nose shut. There are even some more intimate holes you might glue shut: Can you imagine gluing your urethra shut?

You’d be unable to urinate, that’s for sure, and that is an emergency with serious consequences which must be dealt with immediately. You might be the laughingstock of the workplace if word gets out that you glued your penis shut, but it will definitely get you a day off work.

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4. I Just Got Diagnosed With Syphilis

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This is another one of those outrageous illnesses that nobody really wants to hear more about.

Tell your boss that your STD panel came back, and you tested positive for syphilis. Hence, you must get a penicillin shot immediately.

Be prepared for everyone to snicker behind your back when you return to the office, but enjoy your day off work first. Who knows, some people might admire you for getting down with it so often and freely.

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5. I Have Hyperhidrosis and Can’t Stop Sweating and Smelling

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Hyperhidrosis is a medical term for excessive sweating that isn’t necessarily related to body temperature or exercise. And by excessive sweating, I mean excessive: the type of sweat that soaks your clothes and drips all over the place.

Not only is it uncomfortable to be around such a person, but if you smell pretty bad, it’s even worse. If you have sweaty, moist palms, nobody will want you touching products or shaking their hands.

Tell your boss that you developed hyperhidrosis along with a terrible body odor, and you’ll be excused until you visit the doctor and figure out what is causing your issue.

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6. I Have Swimmer’s Ear and Can’t Hear Anything

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Swimmer’s ear is a term for an ear infection that affects the outer ear canal. It’s called that because it results from leftover water in the ear, which may contain bacteria and which creates an environment in which bacteria can multiply and grow.

There are various symptoms of swimmer’s ear. Some people may experience dizziness and pain, but hearing loss is also common.

Some people can barely hear anything, while others may experience muffled hearing. The ear may become swollen, and pus may drain from it.

If you require good hearing for your job, such as if you need to attend meetings or speak with customers, this can be a great excuse for a day off. In fact, even if you work from home but need to attend Zoom meetings or make calls, this can be a good excuse.

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7. I Have Terrible Gas and Bloating and Can’t Stop Farting

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While not as extreme as diarrhea, bloating is a nuisance and can be extremely painful if gas builds up in your intestines.

Bloating and gas can be caused by various factors, from illnesses such as celiac’s disease to indigestion.

Eating a lot of legumes, such as beans and peas, could also lead to excessive bloating. If you are lactose intolerant, it could result from ingesting milk or cheese.

If you have too much bloating and can’t stop ripping smelly farts, nobody will mind if you stay home.

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8. I Developed a Phobia and Can’t Leave the House

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Believe it or not, there are real phobias associated with leaving the house.

Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder in which an individual is afraid to leave environments they consider safe. In some cases, the only place they feel safe is their home.

Another type of phobia that could prevent you from getting to work is amaxophobia, which is a fear of driving or riding in vehicles, including cars, buses, and trains. Understandably, this kind of phobia could severely limit your ability to move around.

What if you walk to work? Well, there’s a phobia for that too.

Agyrophobia is an irrational fear of crossing streets.

Phobia-based excuses may be met with skepticism, but these phobias are very real for many people.

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9. I Have a Contagious Staph Infection

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Staph is bacteria that lives on the body. A sizable percentage of the population is walking around with staph on their skin and in their noses.

However, some people go on to develop a staph infection, especially when these bacteria enter the body through a break in the skin, such as a cut or an irritated hair follicle.

Staph infections can occur anywhere on the body. People who go to the gym regularly, for example, especially if they have contact with other people (think: grappling martial arts), are more likely to develop staph.

Symptoms of staph infection can include a rash, boils, pimples, and general redness and soreness. It’s not a pleasant sight to look at, especially if the boils burst open and pus oozes out.

Besides, staph is highly contagious, so if someone has a staph infection, they should probably stay home. Your boss probably doesn’t want to see a picture of your nauseating staph infection, so they probably won’t ask you for one.

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10. I Experienced a Concussion and Can’t Remember Anything

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Concussions can happen to anyone.

While they are more likely to occur if you play sports such as boxing, rugby, or football, you can also experience a concussion by slipping and hitting your head on the counter or floor.

Concussions aren’t always noticeable. A bump on your head is not a concussion, although it may indicate that you hit your head.

A concussion affects your brain, and it could lead to symptoms such as memory loss, confusion, dizziness, short-term memory loss, and a general feeling of having a cloudy mind.

If you experienced a concussion, you might have to take a few days off work, especially if your job is very brainy and requires a lot of mental energy and intensive thinking.

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11. I Have a Cold With an Uncontrollable Runny Nose

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If none of our icky excuses caught your fancy, you can always use the old cold, but add a bit of ugliness to it.

Say you have an uncontrollable runny nose with mucus pouring down from your nostrils.

If you are using an entire box of Kleenex tissues every hour, people just won’t want you around. Add a whooping cough to the mix and you’re good to go.

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12. I Have a Tick and Developed Temporary Tick Paralysis

Francisco Welter-Schultes, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

Ticks are common in the United States, especially in regions such as the Northeast and Midwest, where they commonly spread Lyme disease.

Not all ticks are infected with Lyme disease, but many are. According to Johns Hopkins, in some locations, more than half of all ticks have Lyme disease!

Ticks can spread Lyme disease by biting and feeding on you. Lyme disease can come with symptoms such as fever, headaches, and a skin rash.

Lyme disease should be treated early with antibiotics.

While Lyme disease might be good enough to get you off work, you can make things a bit “unique” by claiming you are temporarily paralyzed by a tick, which is a rare complication.

Tick paralysis is not Lyme disease and is instead chemically induced and caused by a neurotoxin in the tick’s saliva. While Lyme disease can persist once the tick is removed, tick paralysis is temporary and goes away when you remove the tick (if you do so early enough).

So, why would you want to claim tick paralysis instead of Lyme disease? Well, Lyme disease can last several weeks, and for some people, side effects such as pain and difficulty thinking could last for months.

Tick paralysis lasts a lot shorter. It can be fatal but goes away once you remove the tick, although not immediately.

It could take a few hours for the paralysis to reverse itself, so you should be good to go back to work the next day. In some cases, though, tick paralysis can progress for 24–48 hours after the tick is removed before getting better, so it does give you some leeway to take an extra day off if needed.

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13. I Disturbed a Bee Hive and My Face Is Swollen From Dozens of Stings

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Bees are not venomous, but their stings can be incredibly painful. If you step on a bee nest or disturb a bee hive, and you get attacked by a swarm of bees, it won’t be a pleasant experience.

It could lead to a variety of symptoms, such as dizziness, as well.

If your face gets attacked by bees, the best thing you can do is stay at home and follow your doctor’s recommendations to reduce the swelling and pain. This kind of excuse can only really be used once, because if it happens twice, you’re probably just an idiot.

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14. I Have Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

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Alice in Wonderland Syndrome, or AIWS, is an actual syndrome that distorts your perception of reality and causes you to see objects as smaller or larger than they are.

These visual distortions can last for a few minutes or a few hours. If you claim you are suffering a rare episode of Alice in Wonderland Syndrome, your boss will surely understand why you need to stay home, as you can’t function properly.

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Wrapping It Up

There you have it: some unusual sick day excuses that will probably work, either because nobody has ever used them on your boss before or because they’re so icky to think about that nobody wants to verify the details.

Of course, it’s important to always be honest with your boss. Calling in sick when you are not could cause you to lose your sick days, which could be a problem if you actually get sick later.

Remember, you may also be eligible for a certain number of PTO (Paid Time Off) days. If you tell your boss you’re taking PTO, you don’t need to give a reason.